Bad conlanging ideas

The Second Viennese School of linguistics has decreed that all sentences are to be composed of the same twelve basic phonemes in various orders, each appearing in exactly one place in the “phone row”. Phonemes can be repeated, alternated, or separated with pauses, but this does not change the base meaning. The set of allowed phonemes is arranged symmetrically with regards to place and manner of articulation, so negating a statement is done by saying it upside down. Development of a writing system should be straightforward.

A language where some words are free to use, but other words are considered “Premium” and must be unlocked via microtransactions. Every week, a different set of Premium words go on sale and a different set is temporarily free to use.

A conlang whose only words are nouns. A sentence is comprised of singing a series of nouns to the tune of Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire”.

Because you (in your infinite foolishness) misread an article on a southern African language you wanted to base your conlang’s phonology on, it now has a large dick inventory.

Create language where honorifics are indicated by the prefix m’- and the mandatory tipping of a fedora.

Create a naturalistic conlang with absolutely no irregularities, and have a complex morphology where each of the innumerable morphemes is totally distinguishable from all others with a unique phoneme. Bonus points for a completely prescriptive syntax.

An alternate English characterized by a sound change known as the Late Medieval Descending, in which non-final /s/ shifts to /f/.

You might be familiar with the nominative and accusative, and maybe the ergative or some locative cases, but here are some other good case assignments for your nouns:

If you have a noun case that frames nouns as background information (with respect to NOUN), and it is primarily used in legal or business documents, then you should put the noun in the BRIEF CASE.

If you have a noun case that is usually used to describe location in a far off place, usually used for travel, you put the noun in the SUIT CASE.

If you have a noun case that topicalizes hypothetical situations with low probability, the case used named for the boyfriend of the linguist who first described it, as the first description of it was actually used as a marriage proposal. This is the JUSTIN CASE.

If your conculture’s fear that things get strange in transitional areas leaks over into their use of metaphor, they probably will not use creative extensions in the vulnerable liminal spaces. This means that while in-land and at sea, it is safe to use metaphor, on the shore you need slightly more … littoral … meanings.

Use the word “zɪgʔʌzɪgʔa” to mean “a type of lover who works hard to fit in with your life, because they love you so much and are willing to put in effort to make your relationship work,” that is usually untranslated. Known mostly from a translation of a traditional poem in your conlang. Taken from the earlier translation, because I could not find the latest, “Prithee, canst thou tell me what thou desirest? What thine heart truly desireth?// By my troth! I will tell thee what I long for, what in my deepest soul I long for.// I pray, willst thou tell me what thou art thirsting after, what in thy deepest bosom, thou art thirsting after.// I want a, I want a// I really, really want a zɪgʔʌzɪgʔa”